Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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