did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
