i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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