did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
