So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
