they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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