i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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