So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
