Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
