Can i not drive my cunt home
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
