I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
