I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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