last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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