just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
