I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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