Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
