I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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