I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
