sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
