Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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