so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
