Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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