She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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