Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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