I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
