Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
