You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
