i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
