i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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