Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
