A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
