Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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