WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
