I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
