My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm at about main and main street
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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