i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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