Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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