I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
