I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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