I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
