Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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