I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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