I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize