you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
