I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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