I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
