Who wears a wallet chain?!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
