There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We need a shit load of segways right now
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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