She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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