Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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