Pappa wants mamma naked
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
