I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
