I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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