I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
