Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
