he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize