I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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