STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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