dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize