i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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