I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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