508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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