It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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