He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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