I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
