Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
