I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
