So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The beer is more important than you right now.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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