He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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