Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
then he tried to convert me to islam
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
