2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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