you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
