Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
