This girl is more easily done than said...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
