my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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