he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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