She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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