Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There's always time for handjobs
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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