he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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