Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
