for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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