some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
