I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
