Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
