bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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