It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
