He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
