Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
