Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
