I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
