It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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