is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
