In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
