Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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