so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i believe in u and ur pee
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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