My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
