Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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