margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My vagina is very pro this idea
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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