Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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