Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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